I’ve blathered in this space before about Yellowstone, and why it’s God’s greatest creation since Eve, fire, the wheel, and the GPS. It’s the “oldest and best” park, the world’s first national park, and… BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

There I go again. Let’s face it: you’re tired of hearing me drone on about Yellowstone. So I thought I’d pull together a video of reasons why you should NEVER visit Yellowstone. Instead of hearing about all of the delicious reasons to visit, let’s consider some downside risks. Many of these involve the possibility of dying an unusual and violent death. Studies show that most people prefer to avoid unusual and violent deaths.

In Yellowstone, you run a reasonable risk of death by wild animal. In the video I refer to bison as “the most dangerous animals in the Park.” This is true, as Obi Wan Kenobi might say, from a certain point of view…

Bison are not necessarily the deadliest animals in the Park, but they cause the most human injuries. This is because many people act rather silly around bison, treating them like cuddly play toys. I heard about one woman who literally grabbed the horns of an adult male bison so she could turn its head and “get a better picture.” She ended up in the hospital with a severe (and arguably well deserved) goring. At the risk of sounding harsh, I don’t feel sorry for people who antagonize and agitate powerful wild animals. What was she thinking?

When I worked in Yellowstone, one tourist lost her left buttock in a bison goring. (Do you realize how much self-control is involved in relaying this story with a straight face?) It hit her from behind and tossed her twenty feet. Sayonara, butt cheek. I just hope she wasn’t a Hollywood butt double.

Then there are the bison-related snowmobile and auto accidents. Bison enjoy using the roads just like we do. If you hit a full grown male adult bison at high speed with a Fiat, for example, you may bruise the bison’s ribs. The Fiat, on the other hand, will be totaled. If you smash headlong into a two thousand pound bison with a snowmobile, you will be totaled.

What about bears? When pondering animal death in Yellowstone, everyone thinks of grizzly bear attack. In recent years bear attacks have been on the rise. Every year, a few people experience “negative human bear interactions,” as the rangers like to say. I wouldn’t want to die being eaten alive by a hungry bear – that would truly be a negative interaction, at least from my perspective. (Click here to see our incredibly informative bear safety video.) The most likely risk of a nasty bear encounter happens when hiking. To really enjoy Yellowstone, you need to lace up some boots and hit the trails. When you do so, you’d better make a lot of noise and pack some pepper spray.

I sincerely would prefer death by bear to taking a dip in one of Yellowstone’s geothermal features. Believe it or not, over the years many have suffered this cruel fate. In fact, more have died in Yellowstone by boiling than by bear. I do feel sorry for these people, even the ones who naively chose to jump into the pools. No one would voluntarily choose that fate. Obviously most have underestimated the amount of heat generated by the Yellowstone super-volcano. Those turquoise pools may look pretty, but they are as comforting as the average lobster pot.

Yellowstone simply isn’t like most other parks. If you take a wrong step, you can die an extremely painful death.

Geothermal features are generally well marked. Stay on the boardwalks and you will be fine. But whatever you do, please don’t go hiking after dark, with no flashlight, through a geyser basin. In 2000, three Park employees did just that – they fell into a 10-foot deep pool of boiling water, and one poor girl died from the resulting burns. Horrible to think about, isn’t it?

It looks innocent enough, but fall into Yellowstone's Cavern Spring (where water temps approach 200 degrees Farenheit) and you'll wish you were dead.

When I was working in the park, one employee got drunk and walked beyond the pathways into unsafe areas. He fell through the crust into a boiling hot pool. His body was pretty much destroyed from the waist down. He was airlifted from the park by helicopter (there are no real hospitals in Yellowstone). I’m not sure whether he survived.

Several wayward children have wandered into the thermal areas. A few poor souls, not realizing the intense heat of the geothermal areas, have voluntarily leapt into the pools chasing after dogs and the like. So let’s all consider today’s safety tip: never, ever, ever, ever, ever approach Yellowstone’s geothermal features with anything less than the utmost deference and respect. A healthy dose of fear, in this case, is warranted.

Another weird way to die in Yellowstone is by falling into the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone River.

“Aren’t there guardrails?” you ask.

Of course there are guardrails. There are also scores of foolhardy tourists who eagerly climb over said guardrails in order “to get a better picture.” Just about every year someone climbs beyond a guardrail, poses for a photo, loses his or her balance, and plunges several hundred feet to their death into the canyon. Hey, falling into the canyon wouldn’t be the best way to go – but it sure would beat boiling water or bear.

You’ll note that many victims in Yellowstone were Park employees. If you live full-time in Yellowstone, it makes sense that you are more exposed to its dangers.  Hopefully you are more attuned to them as well.

For me, working in the Park was a wonderful experience. Sure, the money sucks. You simply don’t work in Yellowstone expecting to make much money. Although your paycheck is laughable (useful mainly for buying pizza and beer in the employee pub), you will be compensated in other ways. You’ll form memorable friendships with your coworkers, and you’ll experience the Park to a degree that few others can appreciate.

For more information about working in Yellowstone, check out YellowstoneJobs.com.

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The park service issued this description of the attack: “At approximately 11:00 a.m., at a point about a mile and a half from the trailhead, the couple walked out of a forested area into an open meadow. It appears that the couple spotted a bear approximately 100 yards away and then began walking away from the bear. When they turned around to look, they reportedly saw the female grizzly running down the trail at them. The couple began running, but the bear caught up with them, attacking the husband. The bear then went over to the wife, who had fallen to the ground nearby. The bear bit her daypack, lifting her from the ground and then dropping her. She remained still and the bear left the area.”

Other hikers heard the woman’s screams and called rangers to the scene. But it was too late. Tragically, the husband was mauled to death.

The park has closed hiking trails near the mauling, but the bear will not be hunted or captured. This is because she was acting naturally in defense of her cubs. It was a textbook example of what can happen when a mama grizzly is startled.

Although this was the first fatal mauling INSIDE the Park in 25 years, it’s the third mauling in the area in just a year. In fact, a man was mauled to death at a campground just a few miles outside Yellowstone last year. Bear activity in Yellowstone is on the rise.

Yellowstone is my favorite park. What I really love about the park is the very thing that makes it dangerous: the abundance of wildlife. It’s awe inspiring to witness wild bison, moose, elk, wolf, and yes, bear roaming their native habitat. Bears will always roam Yellowstone. There will always be occasional human-bear interactions. Whenever you venture into the backcountry, you must be prepared for the inherent risk.

So while you’ve no doubt heard this advice before, you might as well hear it again. A few bear safety tips:

Make noise – wearing “bear bells” is one option, but not a very effective one. BEAR BELLS ALONE DO NOT ENSURE YOUR SAFETY! You should talk to your hiking companions. Feel free to shout. If bears hear your voice, they will likely try to avoid you.

Stay in a group. Bears are less likely to attack groups of three or more people.

Carry pepper spray. This stuff isn’t cheap ($50 a can?) but it has been proven to work. When you carry it, you need to be ready to use it. It won’t do you any good if it’s buried in the bottom of your bag.

Keep food away from campsites. Store food and other potential bear attractants inside your RV, preferably inside sealed plastic containers.

If you do see a grizzly bear, walk away slowly or play dead, but avoid fast moves. In the Yellowstone fatality, the husband reportedly told his wife to run. While this reaction is understandable, running is the WORST response to seeing a grizzly bear. It often provokes a predatory instinct in the bear to chase its prey. Grizzlies are ALWAYS faster than humans, so this chase has a predictable end.

In fairness to the hikers in the Yellowstone attack, the provoked bear was already running towards them before they chose to run. Their reaction was understandable on a primal “fight-or-flight” level. But there is no point in running. YOU CANNOT RUN FASTER THAN A BEAR. It would be much better to drop to the ground, curl up into a ball, and play dead. In many cases, once the bear realizes that you pose no threat, it will retreat.

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The park service issued this description of the attack: “At approximately 11:00 a.m., at a point about a mile and a half from the trailhead, the couple walked out of a forested area into an open meadow. It appears that the couple spotted a bear approximately 100 yards away and then began walking away from the bear. When they turned around to look, they reportedly saw the female grizzly running down the trail at them. The couple began running, but the bear caught up with them, attacking the husband. The bear then went over to the wife, who had fallen to the ground nearby. The bear bit her daypack, lifting her from the ground and then dropping her. She remained still and the bear left the area.”

Other hikers heard the woman’s screams and called rangers to the scene. But it was too late. Tragically, the husband was mauled to death.

The park has closed hiking trails near the mauling, but the bear will not be hunted or captured. This is because she was acting naturally in defense of her cubs. It was a textbook example of what happens when a mama grizzly is startled.

Although this was the first fatal mauling INSIDE the Park in 25 years, it’s the third mauling in the area in just a year. In fact, a man was mauled to death at a campground just outside Yellowstone last year. Bear activity in Yellowstone is on the rise.

Yellowstone is my favorite park. What I really love about the park is the very thing that makes it dangerous: the abundance of wildlife. It’s awe inspiring to witness wild bison, moose, elk, wolf, and yes, bear roaming their native habitat. Bears will always roam Yellowstone. There will always be occasional human-bear interactions.

So, while you’ve no doubt heard this advice before, you might as well hear it again… A few bear safety tips:
Make noise – wearing “bear bells” is one option, but not a very effective one. BEAR BELLS ALONE DO NOT ENSURE YOUR SAFETY! You should talk to your hiking companions. If bears hear your voice, they will likely try to avoid you. Feel free to shout. When my wife and I hike in the backcountry, we occasionally shout, “Hey bear! Hey bear!”

Stay in a group. Your odds of survival increase in a group. Bears are less likely to attack groups of three or more people.
Carry pepper spray. This “bear spray” stuff isn’t cheap ($50 a can?!) but it has been proven to work. When you carry it, you need to be ready to use it.

Keep food away from campsites. Store food and other potential bear attractants inside your RV, preferably inside sealed plastic containers.

If you do see a grizzly bear, walk away slowly or play dead, but avoid fast moves. In the Yellowstone fatality, the husband reportedly told his wife to run. While this reaction is understandable, running is the WORST response to seeing a grizzly bear. It often provokes the predatory instinct in the bear to chase its prey. Grizzlies are always faster than humans, so this chase has a predictable end. In fairness to the hikers in the Yellowstone attack, it seems the provoked bear was already running towards them before they chose to run. But there is no point in running. YOU CANNOT RUN FASTER THAN A BEAR.

What about guns? Yes, you can carry a gun with you into the park. However, the NPS advises that firearms should not be considered a “wildlife protection strategy.” Pepper spray has been proven to work (and it’s a helluva lot easier to carry on a hike than a shotgun). But if you want to carry a firearm, you are free to do so.

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Oh, I own some cool cameras and carry around a sack full of Nikon lenses. But my still photography skills are limited. I’m more of a video guy. Hand me your cellphone, and I’ll shoot a feature!

Recently we bought our FIRST plastic pink flamingo. Airstreamers are supposed to love and own plastic flamingos, although no one is exactly sure why.

Proper photography challenges a different, albeit similar, skill set. I find it difficult to do both stills and video, or at least to do both simultaneously. So I usually shoot video instead of stills.

With that said, here’s a gallery of still images from our recent travels. We actually did a better job than usual this year of snapping stills along with my usual video shenanigans. I finally found time to cull through some of the images (a process I find more tedious than video editing!) and pull out a few faves.

Sunset sky in Roosevelt National Park -- we were treated to an UNREAL sunset one evening while touring Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota. I shot video of this scene -- stay tuned.

Look carefully and you can see SEEMORE hiding in the tall grass.

Do you detect a theme here? BISON IN THE TETONS!

Nighttime in one of our favorite campgrounds, Gros Ventre in the Grand Tetons.

Gazing out over the lower falls of the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone River. I worked at Canyon during college.

This was taken at our campsite in Las Vegas. There's a big real estate crisis happening right now in Vegas. Actually it's not a crisis at all, but rather a situation where real estate prices are coming back down to reality after a few years of ridiculous bubble mania. Anyway, there are lots of big mostly empty condo buildings in Vegas, places that were constructed but haven't yet been occupied. You can buy a condo cheap, but your building may be a lonely place.

Here's a young bison in mid-stride, running in Grand Teton National Park. Not much to say about this one.

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I’m in LOVE with our current campsite. This is the finest camping locale we’ve enjoyed all year. We are surrounded by wilderness. We have a tremendous view of some of the most beautiful mountains in North America while LYING IN BED. This area is frequented by bison, moose, elk, and the occasional bear. Seriously, if this campsite was a piece of privately owned land for sale, the lot would cost at least a half million bucks. Sure, there are NO HOOKUPS OF ANY KIND and overnight temperatures are dropping into the low 30s. But in a way, that’s what makes it fun. We’re roughin’ it Airstream-style in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

Like salmon, every few years we migrate back to the Yellowstone/Teton area. (Hopefully the local bears won’t treat us like salmon.) In our video I discuss Sean & Kristy’s first camping experience TOGETHER. It happened in Yellowstone National Park. We didn’t have a fancy Airstream or any RV. We had a TENT, a leaky air mattress, and a couple of thin sleeping bags. We experienced a few hardships, but we had a BLAST. That sort of adventure is what it’s all about.

That’s the ultimate point of this website. Life is a collection of experiences. Most of the best have NOTHING to do with the gear you own. Adventure is out there for you to find, and you don’t need a lot of expensive equipment or a fat bank account to find it.

Let me draw upon a couple of life experiences to explore this point.

First, here’s a counter-intuitive trek that has little to do with camping. Back in the early 1990s, I taught English to schoolchildren in Czechoslovakia. From late summer 1992 to spring 1993 I lived in the land of cheap (but FANTASTIC) beer and pork dumplings. That was the year the country split apart politically, and Czechoslovakia became the Czech Republic & Slovakia. Sounds scary, but it wasn’t. The so-called “Velvet Divorce” took place without a shot being fired.

My employer was the Bratislava, Slovakia city school system. Monthly salary? Around $120, give or take. Yes, $120 a MONTH. My net worth hovered around zero and my luxuries were limited (although I did own about $20 worth of bootleg Polish music tapes).

In Europe, I had the time of my life! No money whatsoever, but the time of my life. Somehow I managed to see not only Czechoslovakia, but most of Europe — Hungary, Poland, Austria, Italy, Sweden, and Germany, to name a few. How did I do it? Money went to the absolute necessities — train tickets, hostels, and inexpensive food. Somehow I managed to make ends meet. Note that the dollar went a LONG way in my preferred haunts in Eastern Europe. When you can buy a tall glass of brew for 30 cents, what more do you need? Those months spent abroad were enormously influential, and I still reference them daily.

I’ve since returned to Europe many times. As an adult traveling to Europe, I’m staying in better places and eating in better restaurants. Am I having a better time? Nah. If anything, I’ve discovered that travel is like an addictive drug; what gave you a “buzz” the first time around isn’t as likely to do it when you take your second hit. You’ve got to move forward in search of the next thrill. Yes, money helps, but if you’re not careful it can also insulate you from the adventure. Satellite TV and room service are not what makes Paris great. Granite counter tops are lovely, but they have little to do with camping.

My second “mind over money” life experience happened in Yellowstone National Park. I worked in the Park in 1991 (and later in 1994). My first job was”kitchen helper.” Later I moved on to my favorite role — that of “ice cream scooper.” Again, I made no real money (although I scored some nice tips for scooping up huge amounts of ice cream!). NO ONE works in the Park for money (at least no one stuck in the bowels of the kitchen ). You work there for the experience. Yellowstone is like a different planet, one with clearer skies, crisper air, and natural wonder (including the occasional grizzly bear) lurking around every corner. Yes, there really are more stars in the sky at night. Until you’ve experienced life in this magical place, no amount of verbal description will do it justice.

This brings me back to our video, and the topic at hand — GEAR and how it relates to adventure. We all obsess about gear, and I am as guilty as the next guy. Sure, it’s nice to have an Airstream, a diesel truck, and a generator. Maybe you want a Prevost, or a Winnebago, or a Tiffin. Yes, it’s a luxury to be able to travel with these sorts of material possessions and creature comforts at our disposal.

But this stuff costs money, sometimes lots of it. As the great philosopher Jagger once said, you can’t always get what you want. If you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.

You don’t “need” an expensive rig to go out and have a good time. You just need the spirit to get out there and do it. A talented photographer can take stunning photos with an iPhone. An amateur will take clunkers with a Canon 5D. You can have a wonderful time with a cheap Kmart tent and a couple of sleeping bags. It’s never about the gear; it’s about the person.

Kristy and I are certainly fortunate to have the time, good health, and resources to travel to the extent we have. I am appreciative of these opportunities and experiences.

“Do it while you’re young,” senior citizens repeatedly tell us. We’ve taken their advice to heart.

I say, whether you are young or old, rich or poor, have a Prevost or a tent, it doesn’t really matter.

Do it.

Get hitched — and carpe diem.

And by the way, I know the audio/video sync is off in the video. I’ll fix it when I have the time, not to mention the electricity!

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Sure, I don’t post as often as some. But hey, who else gives ya a FRICKIN’ TV SHOW in their blog? (Oh, I guess Diablo Cody does — in RED BAND TRAILER. Anyway…)

You must agree that this is highly unusual. I’m the one man band of film making. (All we need is one of those giant drums strapped to my chest.) If “Long Long Honeymoon” is a blog, then our tow truck is a Tonka.

But enough with the failed SAT analogies. I digress…

Let’s focus on the topic at hand: Michigan’s UPPER PENINSULA. What is there to say about the U.P.? Quite a lot, actually. I’ll SAY it once I’ve got time to TYPE it. Stay tuned to this space.

In the meantime, as Einstein taught us, a picture is worth a thousand words.

His famous equation? p = 1000w

This MOVING PICTURE is 9:25 (565 seconds) in length. At 24 frames per second, it contains 13,560 pictures. Applying our simple formula, that equals 13,560,000 words!

Hmmm, over 13 million words… I am getting long-winded.

I really like this video, even though it’s a little more … somber? than our norm. It reflects the emotions we experienced when traveling through the remote, sparsely populated area. A shipwreck museum, while fascinating, isn’t exactly a barrel of laughs!

I particularly enjoy the sensation of being “out there,” and for us the U.P. qualifies. Rest assured that we loved seeing the U.P.

If you enjoy LongLongHoneymoon.com, tell friends, family, and random strangers! Pass it on! YOU are our marketing department, my loyal peeps. I’m too busy fiddling with camera gadgets…

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But it’s also good for the soul. There’s something both sobering and magical about being amongst sites that were occupied by humans long ago. It provides perspective. It’s not just a matter of sociology and high-falutin’ book-learnin’; there’s a spiritual element, too. One can almost sense the presence of those who came before…

In Europe, people live their daily lives in the presence of history.

A few years ago, a friend gave me a walking tour of Stockholm, Sweden. As we strolled the city’s ancient streets, he pointed out items of interest. “Do you see that block of flats?” he said, gesturing to a nondescript structure. “That building is almost 1000 years old, and it’s still being used today.”

I was intrigued. “What is it today?” I asked.

“It’s still a block of flats,” he replied. “And people are still living there.”

A 1000-year old apartment building? Now that’s what I call “built to last.”

Here in America, we tend to worship the new. We like new cars, new houses, new clothes. When something begins to show a little age, we tear it down and build something new.

Want to visit some of the classic Las Vegas casinos? The places where Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis, Jr. made their legend? Alas, most of them have already been destroyed and replaced.

Sure, there are a few United States cities with roots stretching back more than a couple hundred years. But even Boston and Charleston are spring chickens by Old World standards. In most cities, even the “historic district” is filled with structures less than a century old.

But just when you think the entire country is one big shopping center, you come across a place like Mesa Verde National Park.

Travel to Mesa Verde, and you can step back in time. Here are Native American ruins some 600 years old. Built beneath towering cliffs, the design and surrounding landscape is spectacular.

Yes, they were originally apartment buildings.

No, they aren’t still be used for that purpose (although they’d be quite spacious by New York standards).

There’s also an element of spiritual mystery about Mesa Verde. We know why these places were built, since the cliffs offered excellent fortified protection.

But why were they abandoned? We have theories (climate change led to a shrinking water supply) but hard evidence is in short supply.

We’ve traveled some 30,000 miles so far on our long, long RV honeymoon. Of all the places we have visited, Mesa Verde is unique. Given its location, in a somewhat remote area of Colorado, it’s the type of place best explored by RV.

We left Mesa Verde with a better understanding of Native American history and culture. It whetted our appetite for more. In the words of another time traveler from the future… I’ll be back.

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To their credit, the employees had finally answered that legendary Old Faithful tourist question: “How do you turn it on?” Alas, their employers were not amused. Some rather gullible tourists who witnessed the spectacle left convinced that the venerable geyser was a sham. The two guys got canned.

Upon viewing Alberta Canada’s stunning Lake Louise, I began searching for the crank and wooden box.

Lake Louise is a slice of natural perfection. It may not be the world’s prettiest lake, but it’s got to be on the short list. It’s the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. It’s so awesomely natural, it must be artificial.

Clues abound. There’s the centrally located rocky mountain backdrop, peppered with just the right amount of glacial ice and snow. Then there’s the brilliant water that’s an unnatural shade of turquoise (a dead Disney giveaway, if you ask me). There’s the pristine surrounding forest with its statuesque, graceful trees nestled on each side of the lake.

On the day of our visit, they even had some sort of high-tech cloud machine running, dotting the sky with ideal cloud formations.

They claim that the water is frigid glacial runoff, so swimming is forbidden. But I suspect that this so-called “lake’s” floor is covered with some sort of man made plaster. Or perhaps Lake Louise sports one of those vinyl “above ground pool” liners? Unfortunately, someone’s got to jump in for us all to find out.

Lake Louise is a popular destination, with teeming crowds equivalent to your average theme park. It was no small feat to visit in the summertime with an RV in tow. If only they’d let Disney handle the parking, too! We ended up parking our rig quite a distance from the actual lake, and hiking to the prize. But in the end, it was all worth it.

It’s hard for photos and even high-definition video to do justice to Lake Louise. But watch our video anyway. Yep, it’s gotta be fake. 

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In those days, primarily because we were financially strapped students, camping was a simple proposition. Someone would have a tent, usually a modest 2-4 person affair. We’d bring along our sleeping bags, a couple of canteens, some snacks – and that was pretty much it. “Camping” really just meant a few good friends sharing basic shelter under the stars. And yet, the experiences were spectacular.

It’s tempting to position RV ownership as a simple, elemental lifestyle. After all, camping is camping, right? But is it really so simple?

Sure, life is simple enough — once you have your propane tanks filled, your tire pressures checked, your assorted water tanks emptied and/or filled, an inverter generator, properly sorted weight-distributing hitch, your storage compartments locked, the stabilizer jacks set in place, and a plethora of camping equipment.

Alas, our tastes have grown more sophisticated. In the old days, a moldy sleeping bag was enough; now we sleep on 600-thread-count sheets. Once we were satisfied with a sack of snacks; now we tote around a refrigerator.

Then there’s the electronics. In our case, we can’t leave home without our smart phones, laptops, DVD players, HDTV, gaming console, digital cameras, HD video cameras, audio equipment, MP3 players, noise-canceling headphones, and enough assorted paraphernalia to open a branch outlet of Best Buy. The wires and cables alone would stretch from Earth to the Moon, three times.

So, the RV lifestyle may not be simple per se. It’s far too complex to be labeled simple. But it does strip away a host of mental and physical clutter. Although we haul along a plethora of creature comforts, when camping we still shed much of our suburban largess.

RV camping facilitates simple pleasures. This is an active lifestyle. One not only spends more time outdoors, but also with family. RV ownership brings people closer together – literally and figuratively.

Even when camping in our fancy travel trailer, I’m certain that we use much less electricity and water then at home. As Kristy blithely remarked, “You get used to being a little dirty.”

We acquire fewer material possessions because there’s no place to store them. When shopping, the first question that comes to mind is, “Where are we going to put it?”

In the end, I suppose we haven’t traveled so far from my college days. We go through it ALL just so we can enjoy certain basic, simple fundamentals. Whether you’re camping in a $40 tent or a $400,000 motor home, there’s still no substitute for the companionship of good friends and family, enjoyed alongside a campfire.

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Banff is located about 3500 miles from Key West, where we began our “long, long honeymoon” journey. If we do a little fuzzy math (3500 miles traveled at 11.8 miles per $5 gallon of diesel) the total ONE-WAY price tag for this journey is $1483. And if you actually want to return home, this trip will cost $2966 in fuel. Or you could just watch our video for free, and say you’ve been there.

Camping in Canada is truthfully a lot of fun, if not terribly different from camping in the United States. You’ll need a passport. At the border there’s the obligatory Checkpoint Charlie where you’ll be required to answer a few security questions. (Yes, you packed your own RV yourself. No, you’re not transporting any international fugitives in your camper. And no, you don’t have any unwashed tomatoes.)

Once in Canada you’ll need Canadian money, though you can use your ATM card just about everywhere. As a general rule, prices in Canada seem to be a little higher than prices for the same goods in the United States. Fuel, sold by the liter, is not cheap. For that matter, neither is milk and cereal. Draft beer costs about the same per milliliter as liquid plutonium. I don’t know about you, but I feel it should be a violation of international law to charge more than six dollars for a Coors Light.

Watch out for cellular calls, too. One fateful day, Kristy’s phone rang. It was her parents calling from the United States. We answered the call and enjoyed a brief, pleasant conversation. A couple of months later, a rather unpleasant $28 Canadian surprise appeared on our bill. In a perfect world, I suppose confiscatory roaming charges would be against the law, too.

Campgrounds run the gamut. We stayed at some reasonably priced private campgrounds, and the national parks – such as Banff – were excellent. Our campsite in Banff was really more of a parking space, but the views it afforded were spectacular. Banff’s famous so-called “hot” springs were actually rather tepid. The natural sulphuric waters were piped into a shallow swimming pool. Building a refined swimming facility was a noble idea, but somewhere along the way the water’s temperature element was lost. We found far more satisfying hot springs south of Banff, in British Columbia’s fantastic Lussier Springs.

As for the town, Banff is one of the more scenic and charming little mountain villages we’ve seen. Replete with the requisite “cute” shops and restaurants, it is touristy but not tacky. It reminds me of Jackson, Wyoming – but the views from this town are superior. In Banff you always feel the serene presence of the surrounding mountains. And the local river is filled with glacial runoff, so it’s an almost surreal shade of green.

I must confess that it’s rather exciting to haul one’s RV across the border into another country. Intrinsic in the RV experience is that sense of bringing “home far away from home.” That’s especially true when venturing beyond United States borders. Although you’re leaving your native comfort zone, you’re also towing a piece of it behind you.

But the truth (and please don’t shoot the messenger) is that Alberta, Canada is not radically different from the United States. Most people speak English (although you will hear a little French), share a similar culture, and live a comparable lifestyle. Now, hauling an RV through sub-Saharan Africa (which has been done, by the way) or Central Europe would be quite different indeed. Who knows… perhaps this will be on our honeymoon agenda for next year.

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