I’ve blathered in this space before about Yellowstone, and why it’s God’s greatest creation since Eve, fire, the wheel, and the GPS. It’s the “oldest and best” park, the world’s first national park, and… BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

There I go again. Let’s face it: you’re tired of hearing me drone on about Yellowstone. So I thought I’d pull together a video of reasons why you should NEVER visit Yellowstone. Instead of hearing about all of the delicious reasons to visit, let’s consider some downside risks. Many of these involve the possibility of dying an unusual and violent death. Studies show that most people prefer to avoid unusual and violent deaths.

In Yellowstone, you run a reasonable risk of death by wild animal. In the video I refer to bison as “the most dangerous animals in the Park.” This is true, as Obi Wan Kenobi might say, from a certain point of view…

Bison are not necessarily the deadliest animals in the Park, but they cause the most human injuries. This is because many people act rather silly around bison, treating them like cuddly play toys. I heard about one woman who literally grabbed the horns of an adult male bison so she could turn its head and “get a better picture.” She ended up in the hospital with a severe (and arguably well deserved) goring. At the risk of sounding harsh, I don’t feel sorry for people who antagonize and agitate powerful wild animals. What was she thinking?

When I worked in Yellowstone, one tourist lost her left buttock in a bison goring. (Do you realize how much self-control is involved in relaying this story with a straight face?) It hit her from behind and tossed her twenty feet. Sayonara, butt cheek. I just hope she wasn’t a Hollywood butt double.

Then there are the bison-related snowmobile and auto accidents. Bison enjoy using the roads just like we do. If you hit a full grown male adult bison at high speed with a Fiat, for example, you may bruise the bison’s ribs. The Fiat, on the other hand, will be totaled. If you smash headlong into a two thousand pound bison with a snowmobile, you will be totaled.

What about bears? When pondering animal death in Yellowstone, everyone thinks of grizzly bear attack. In recent years bear attacks have been on the rise. Every year, a few people experience “negative human bear interactions,” as the rangers like to say. I wouldn’t want to die being eaten alive by a hungry bear – that would truly be a negative interaction, at least from my perspective. (Click here to see our incredibly informative bear safety video.) The most likely risk of a nasty bear encounter happens when hiking. To really enjoy Yellowstone, you need to lace up some boots and hit the trails. When you do so, you’d better make a lot of noise and pack some pepper spray.

I sincerely would prefer death by bear to taking a dip in one of Yellowstone’s geothermal features. Believe it or not, over the years many have suffered this cruel fate. In fact, more have died in Yellowstone by boiling than by bear. I do feel sorry for these people, even the ones who naively chose to jump into the pools. No one would voluntarily choose that fate. Obviously most have underestimated the amount of heat generated by the Yellowstone super-volcano. Those turquoise pools may look pretty, but they are as comforting as the average lobster pot.

Yellowstone simply isn’t like most other parks. If you take a wrong step, you can die an extremely painful death.

Geothermal features are generally well marked. Stay on the boardwalks and you will be fine. But whatever you do, please don’t go hiking after dark, with no flashlight, through a geyser basin. In 2000, three Park employees did just that – they fell into a 10-foot deep pool of boiling water, and one poor girl died from the resulting burns. Horrible to think about, isn’t it?

It looks innocent enough, but fall into Yellowstone's Cavern Spring (where water temps approach 200 degrees Farenheit) and you'll wish you were dead.

When I was working in the park, one employee got drunk and walked beyond the pathways into unsafe areas. He fell through the crust into a boiling hot pool. His body was pretty much destroyed from the waist down. He was airlifted from the park by helicopter (there are no real hospitals in Yellowstone). I’m not sure whether he survived.

Several wayward children have wandered into the thermal areas. A few poor souls, not realizing the intense heat of the geothermal areas, have voluntarily leapt into the pools chasing after dogs and the like. So let’s all consider today’s safety tip: never, ever, ever, ever, ever approach Yellowstone’s geothermal features with anything less than the utmost deference and respect. A healthy dose of fear, in this case, is warranted.

Another weird way to die in Yellowstone is by falling into the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone River.

“Aren’t there guardrails?” you ask.

Of course there are guardrails. There are also scores of foolhardy tourists who eagerly climb over said guardrails in order “to get a better picture.” Just about every year someone climbs beyond a guardrail, poses for a photo, loses his or her balance, and plunges several hundred feet to their death into the canyon. Hey, falling into the canyon wouldn’t be the best way to go – but it sure would beat boiling water or bear.

You’ll note that many victims in Yellowstone were Park employees. If you live full-time in Yellowstone, it makes sense that you are more exposed to its dangers.  Hopefully you are more attuned to them as well.

For me, working in the Park was a wonderful experience. Sure, the money sucks. You simply don’t work in Yellowstone expecting to make much money. Although your paycheck is laughable (useful mainly for buying pizza and beer in the employee pub), you will be compensated in other ways. You’ll form memorable friendships with your coworkers, and you’ll experience the Park to a degree that few others can appreciate.

For more information about working in Yellowstone, check out YellowstoneJobs.com.

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So here’s this year’s “video card” – shot during our December 12-19 transatlantic passage from Southampton to New York. The voyage crosses more than 2000 miles of North Atlantic Ocean during a season of predictably dangerous weather. To further bolster one’s confidence, the route passes within 80 nautical miles of the remains of the RMS Titanic.

The Queen Mary 2 is the largest ocean liner ever built. As a true ocean liner, it was built differently than cruise ships. It’s got 40% more steel in the hull, for example, than typical passenger vessels of comparable girth. It’s equipped with a couple of massive Rolls Royce stabilizers. In rough seas, these extend underwater from the hull of the ship and act like airplane wings. The stabilizers are said to reduce roll in extreme weather by 90%. So the Queen Mary 2 is not only a beautiful ship, but a capable one. She has been designed to handle the North Atlantic in winter.

Even so, when you toss force 10 winds and 30-foot swells at her, you’ll notice…

We encountered two separate storms on our transatlantic passage. Both generated swells in excess of 20-feet and winds in the gale force 9 and 10 range. Travel outside to the ship’s decks was forbidden for obvious reasons. But I was able to step onto our balcony and snap a few moments of video. The wind was powerful, cold, and laced with pellets of rain. I could only stand on our balcony for a few moments before retreating back inside the cabin.

Our stateroom was located near the front of the ship, fairly high on deck 8. Ship movement is most exaggerated towards this area of the ship. (If you think about a ship’s rocking motion during a storm, it makes sense that the most stable portion would be low and towards the center of the vessel.)

Technically our stateroom was an upgraded cabin, due to its location and the fact it was equipped with a clear plexiglass balcony. The balconies on deck 8 are not directly adjacent to the water since they overlook the deck 7 walking area. This is a benefit. If you somehow managed to fall off a deck 4 balcony, there would be a big splash. Sadly, it would probably be the final splash you’d experience in this particular lifetime. If you fell off a deck 8 balcony, you would hit wood and metal instead of water. It would be painful and probably injurious, but you might actually survive.

I guess in most situations the higher staterooms are the more desirable. But there’s an ironic old saying about passenger ships: “the more you pay, the more you sway.” As a practical consequence, this meant that our deck 8 stateroom was swaying wildly for several days. The pitch (vertical motion) was much more extreme than the roll (horizontal motion). The room was rising and falling with such force that when lying in bed, we got a genuine sense of weightlessness as the bed dropped through the air! Then, as the ship crested over the next swell, we felt ourselves pressed down into the bed with significant gravitational force. Oddly, at times this sensation could be comforting; it was like we were being rocked in a giant cradle.

Of course some passengers were afflicted with seasickness. Thankfully Kristy and I did not encounter seasickness. (We did contract an unfortunate viral bug in England that we battled during our voyage, but that was no fault of the ship or weather.)

The first three days of our seven day passage were dominated by this extreme weather. Rough seas transformed life on the ship. Due to the conditions, many shipboard entertainment events were rescheduled or cancelled altogether. (You can’t exactly have a group of people dancing around on stage during this sort of storm, else they go flying into the front row seats.) So there were certainly times that we were wanting the weather to clear.

But in hindsight, it was a spectacular travel experience. The weather turned our cushy cruise into a legitimate adventure.

After a couple of days of stormy travel, it began to dawn on me how unusual such an experience would be. “You know the weather’s bad,” I told Kristy, “when you see members of the crew stopping to watch it.” And we did see this happening all over the ship. Overall, the crew amazed me as much as the ship. They displayed a remarkable ability to “keep calm and carry on” despite the challenging circumstances.

I asked the ship librarian how often she sees comparable weather. She told me that she had not experienced anything so severe since Hurricane Ophelia in 2005. So, this transatlantic crossing was rare indeed. The entertainment director said “we’ll be talking about this one for the rest of the decade.” Kristy and I will be talking about it for the rest of our lives. (Thirty years from now, you can just tell me to stop since you already heard the story… )

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If you have ever watched Steven Speilberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind, you probably recognize Devil’s Tower. In the movie it served as a meeting place for aliens. It was a brilliant choice of location, because there’s something truly otherworldly about this place. It’s a mountain of rock that looks like no mountain you’ve ever seen.

Native Americans had their own theories about the origins of this geological oddity. Their folklore tells of a time when giant bears were chasing a handful of Indian maidens. The Great Spirit himself raised the Tower from the earth in order to save the damsels in distress. Giant bear claws thus created the deep vertical grooves around the outside of the tower.

Science has its own theories. But interestingly, even amongst the slide-rule & calculator set there’s not a clear consensus. Park Service signs outside the tower reference three different theories as to its formation. Sadly, none of these includes giant bears. The most likely is that Devil’s Tower is the remainder of an ancient volcano.

When Kristy and I visited, we took a little time to stop and hike around this base of the Tower. This was time well spent. It was not a particularly challenging or lengthy hike, but it was memorable. The majority of tourists in our national parks and monument rarely venture beyond the most obvious photo opportunities. Sometimes you will get a greatly enhanced perspective on a place by simply traveling a little further than everyone else.

We enjoyed a nice and mostly quiet hike. We spotted a few deer. And we watched a few humans attempt to scale the tower. Wherever there is a large rock, there will be people wanting to climb said rock.

We learned that Devil’s Tower is a special place amongst the native Indian tribes. For centuries, Devil’s Tower was not called Devil’s Tower. Due to its sacred nature, it was revered by Native Americans as something holy. Then in the 1800s it was taken away from those people by the U.S. government and turned into a Satanic-themed recreational area.

The Indians weren’t too thrilled when people began climbing the Tower for fun. So the Park Service now asks people to refrain from climbing the Tower during the month of June, when Indian tribes hold ceremonies outside the tower. They say that 85% of people honor the request; so I guess (according to my 7th grade mathematics) that means that 15% ignore it. The scientific term for those people is “buttocks area.” While one can understand the desire to climb the tower, I think out of simple respect and decency people could take the month of June off. That’s not asking much.

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It’s always a bizarre sensation when we return to our brick-and-mortar home after a few months in the Airstream. In the vast world of cavernous recreational vehicles, our Airstream is pretty small. But there’s a strange transition that happens when you adjust to the full-time experience. You get used to it. After a couple weeks of full-timing, you quickly adjust to the new normal.

While this may seem extreme to some, for others a five-month Airstreaming journey is just a warmup. Yes, there are those who travel for even longer periods of time in even smaller rigs. Enter Lani and Chris, a young couple who have traveled for a couple of years in a 23-footer.

This is another couple who decided to push the “work from home” concept to the extreme. Why wait for retirement to travel? If you can work from anywhere, then why not work from anywhere you want? When plotting the course of their telecommuting adventure, they chose between two seemingly dichotomous paths.

“I gave Lani two options,” Chris said. “We could either move to Argentina and experience life in South America, or we could move into an Airstream and see the United States. She chose the Airstream.”

That Argentina was an option validates what I’ve long suspected. The type of person who embraces full-time Airstream travel at a young age is often the same type of person who embraces international travel. It’s a mindset, a thirst for exploration and personal growth. That’s why Kristy and I have featured travel to Guatemala, El Salvador, Argentina, Jamaica, and Europe here on LongLongHoneymoon. Whether we’re camping or not, the motivating spirit is the same.

So, even though they had never spent a single night aboard an Airstream, Lani and Chris bought a 23-footer sight unseen. Next they bought a tow vehicle and tugged it to Florida. After establishing residency in the sunshine state for tax purposes, they ventured out into the country. Their path was not dissimilar to our own, as they took their Airstream west to places like Yellowstone, Banff, and the California redwoods.

Meanwhile, nature took its course when Lani discovered she was with child. At this news, many people might understandably pull the plug on the Airstream experiment. But Lani and Chris followed through, taking their Airstream to New Hampshire to have baby Emerson.

Has life aboard the Airstream always been an easy, blissful, joyous experience? Are you kidding? Any time you pursue an unconventional lifestyle that involves unique challenges, there are going to be some difficult times. A lot of people talk about tiny houses; these guys have been really doing it. Airstreams take the tiny house concept to the limit. At times Kristy and I have space issues with our 25-footer; I can only imagine what it would be like to add a newborn baby into the equation.

In her entertaining blog AluminumBliss.com, Lani has written with honesty and humor about the good days and the not-so-good days. At one juncture after having the baby, Lani wrote, “the Airstream life wasn’t working for me. I needed more than 160 square feet.” This reaction, it must be pointed out, is completely rational.

When I asked Chris and Lani to talk about the impact of Airstream travel upon their relationship, they just looked at me and laughed. Fair enough.

So there have been ups and downs. That’s to be expected. Life aboard an Airstream, just like life while traveling anywhere, remains life. When we seek out new experiences and turn our crazy dreams into reality, we can’t expect perfection. There will always be peaks and valleys. Hopefully the upside more than compensates for the downside. Hopefully we emerge from the experience a little wiser and a lot more satisfied.

A couple of years have passed since Chris and Lani departed on their Airstreaming journey. It’s possible that soon they will turn the page and begin a new chapter of their lives. Yes, they probably won’t live the rest of their lives inside a tin can. Guess what? We won’t either.

But they will move forward into the future with the knowledge that they did it. They turned a crazy idea into a viable lifestyle. They persevered and somehow made it work – for years. If they decide to park the Airstream and move on to the next adventure, they can do so with satisfaction. It’s far better to try and know, than to go through life wondering.

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I’m happy to report that so far my dumb mistakes have caused minimal harm to others, our Airstream, and the environment. I haven’t pulled a BP and spilled ten billion gallons of black water in the Gulf of Mexico. I haven’t forgotten to properly hitch our Airstream before driving away. I’ve done little things. Like the time we were in North Dakota and I filled SEEMORE’s diesel belly full of gasoline.

What happens when you put unleaded gasoline in a diesel truck? My understanding is that you can put a few gallons in the tank and be okay. While I’m not recommending that you try it, I’ve been told that a couple of gallons in a large 30-gallon tank wouldn’t hurt things too much. An entire tankful of unleaded gas, on the other hand, can cause all sorts of trouble. It can cause your engine to go kaboom.

In this case, I was fortunate on a couple of fronts. First of all, I discovered the problem before cranking the truck. If I had fired up the truck and driven away, it’s very likely that damage to bearings, pistons, and even a head gasket could have been the result. Things would have gotten messy and expensive very fast. We would have faced a massive repair bill, one probably involving a rental car and an unplanned extended stay in a campground. Since I discovered the problem right away, the risk of damage was minimized.

Secondly, we were lucky that this problem happened in North Dakota. The state may have a small population, but it ranks unusually high on the “nice people” charts. Rodney, the fellow who rode to our rescue, was fantastic.

I spoke with him about the situation. In most places, the diesel island is 100 percent diesel. You can’t really screw up royally when pumping from the diesel island. In North Dakota, there is also unleaded fuel on the island. Hence my dumb mistake. When I pulled into the fueling station, I spotted the diesel island. I quickly hopped out of our truck and filled my tank with fuel from the first pump. It was only upon returning the handle to the pump that I discovered my mistake.

In the background under the red roof are the unleaded gasoline pumps. Our truck SEEMORE is parked at the diesel island. Usually when you see a dedicated diesel island that is separated from all of the unleaded gasoline pumps, you can only obtain diesel from that island. Here there was a gasoline pump on the diesel island.

Rodney told me that he’d visited this particular station before on a similar syphoning job.

“That guy was a Texas oil company executive,” Rodney said, “who was in town on business.”

I nodded. There were several oil fields in the vicinity of this North Dakota town.

“Boy, was he mad,” Rodney chuckled. “He couldn’t believe that there was unleaded gas on the diesel island.”

In contrast to the executive, I wasn’t angry. Sure, I think offering unleaded fuel on the diesel island probably isn’t the greatest idea, but the situation was ultimately my fault. I somehow managed to find the humor in the situation and laugh about it.

After Rodney finished syphoning the unleaded fuel out of our truck (a process that took at least an hour), it was time to settle up.

“What do I owe you?” I asked.

Rodney shook his head.

“Nothin’,” he replied.

“I need to pay you something,” I insisted.

“For what?” he said with a wry grin. “For takin’ your gas?”

Sure, I gave Rodney the tankful of gas, which he turn gave to local farmers. But most tow companies would have stuck me for a hefty bill. Let’s suppose he charged me $150. Then I would be out that sum plus the amount paid for the gasoline, so this fiasco would have been a $250 mistake. Then I would need to pump another $100 worth of diesel, meaning this would have been a $350 gas station visit. That’s enough to spoil anyone’s day.

But Rodney was incredibly kind and generous. We left town thankful that this particular dumb mistake happened in North Dakota. In the end, thanks to Rodney, it didn’t really spoil our day.

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Okay, things are pretty bad. But they’re not that bad. Recent economic activity resembles a dead dog on a freeway during rush hour, but people are still living their First World lives. It’s only a matter of time before Apple announces the next iPhone. Tell me – how bad can it really be when people are willing to CAMP OUT for a freakin’ phone? In other parts of the world, people are fighting for survival. Here people are fighting for the latest version of Angry Birds. But I digress.

Any way you slice it, the economy stinks – so why not share some money-saving ideas? I’ve always been a big believer in FRUGALITY. Whatever your net worth may be, it will be EVEN GREATER if you know how to use it wisely. Once, as a bearded, smelly twenty-something, I toured several European countries like Austria, Italy, and Czechoslovakia. It cost me about $30. Granted, I came home with a few extra fleas, but I learned how to stretch out a few measly dollars for days at a time.

Sometimes I joke about being a cheapskate. But it’s really not about being “cheap” per se; it’s about being SMART. There’s a word for people who are frivolous with their money. That word is “stupid.”

Let’s start by examining CLUBS. I’m not talking about sipping an Arnold Palmer down at the golf course while wifey takes tennis lessons from the buff young stud. I’m talking about those vast marketing organizations we join that promise to somehow save us money.

First up: COSTCO. Is Costco a “club?” In a sense, yes Costco is a club. You pay an annual membership fee in exchange for a variety of benefits.

I’m a Costco FANATIC. (Full disclosure: I own Costco stock – and even in the current climate, it’s doing okay!) Quality products, great prices, and free food samples – what more do you need? We buy anything and everything at Costco. Costco buyers negotiate excellent prices up front, and then they pass those prices along to members. It’s said that Costco will NEVER mark up an item more than 14% above its own price. Joining Costco, if you have the opportunity, is a no brainer. One big ticket purchase like a TV and your annual membership fee is covered.

What about GOOD SAM CLUB? It all depends. Do you intend to do a LOT of camping in privately owned full hookup campgrounds? If so, it makes sense to join Good Sam Club. We’ve had some good experiences (albeit not our best experiences) at those parks. When we are doing a lot of travel, our Good Sam membership just about covers itself.

Note that some (not all) campgrounds will honor AAA membership discounts as well as Good Sam Club. So if you are a AAA member, you reap some of these discount rewards too.

What about PUBLIC LIBRARIES? These aren’t technically “clubs,” but you pay your membership fees in taxes whether you use them or not. So you might as well use them. These days, a well run library is a source for all sorts of media. In addition to books, you can get movies, music, and Internet – it’s a media moocher’s paradise. Is that what Ben Franklin had in mind?

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The park service issued this description of the attack: “At approximately 11:00 a.m., at a point about a mile and a half from the trailhead, the couple walked out of a forested area into an open meadow. It appears that the couple spotted a bear approximately 100 yards away and then began walking away from the bear. When they turned around to look, they reportedly saw the female grizzly running down the trail at them. The couple began running, but the bear caught up with them, attacking the husband. The bear then went over to the wife, who had fallen to the ground nearby. The bear bit her daypack, lifting her from the ground and then dropping her. She remained still and the bear left the area.”

Other hikers heard the woman’s screams and called rangers to the scene. But it was too late. Tragically, the husband was mauled to death.

The park has closed hiking trails near the mauling, but the bear will not be hunted or captured. This is because she was acting naturally in defense of her cubs. It was a textbook example of what can happen when a mama grizzly is startled.

Although this was the first fatal mauling INSIDE the Park in 25 years, it’s the third mauling in the area in just a year. In fact, a man was mauled to death at a campground just a few miles outside Yellowstone last year. Bear activity in Yellowstone is on the rise.

Yellowstone is my favorite park. What I really love about the park is the very thing that makes it dangerous: the abundance of wildlife. It’s awe inspiring to witness wild bison, moose, elk, wolf, and yes, bear roaming their native habitat. Bears will always roam Yellowstone. There will always be occasional human-bear interactions. Whenever you venture into the backcountry, you must be prepared for the inherent risk.

So while you’ve no doubt heard this advice before, you might as well hear it again. A few bear safety tips:

Make noise – wearing “bear bells” is one option, but not a very effective one. BEAR BELLS ALONE DO NOT ENSURE YOUR SAFETY! You should talk to your hiking companions. Feel free to shout. If bears hear your voice, they will likely try to avoid you.

Stay in a group. Bears are less likely to attack groups of three or more people.

Carry pepper spray. This stuff isn’t cheap ($50 a can?) but it has been proven to work. When you carry it, you need to be ready to use it. It won’t do you any good if it’s buried in the bottom of your bag.

Keep food away from campsites. Store food and other potential bear attractants inside your RV, preferably inside sealed plastic containers.

If you do see a grizzly bear, walk away slowly or play dead, but avoid fast moves. In the Yellowstone fatality, the husband reportedly told his wife to run. While this reaction is understandable, running is the WORST response to seeing a grizzly bear. It often provokes a predatory instinct in the bear to chase its prey. Grizzlies are ALWAYS faster than humans, so this chase has a predictable end.

In fairness to the hikers in the Yellowstone attack, the provoked bear was already running towards them before they chose to run. Their reaction was understandable on a primal “fight-or-flight” level. But there is no point in running. YOU CANNOT RUN FASTER THAN A BEAR. It would be much better to drop to the ground, curl up into a ball, and play dead. In many cases, once the bear realizes that you pose no threat, it will retreat.

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The park service issued this description of the attack: “At approximately 11:00 a.m., at a point about a mile and a half from the trailhead, the couple walked out of a forested area into an open meadow. It appears that the couple spotted a bear approximately 100 yards away and then began walking away from the bear. When they turned around to look, they reportedly saw the female grizzly running down the trail at them. The couple began running, but the bear caught up with them, attacking the husband. The bear then went over to the wife, who had fallen to the ground nearby. The bear bit her daypack, lifting her from the ground and then dropping her. She remained still and the bear left the area.”

Other hikers heard the woman’s screams and called rangers to the scene. But it was too late. Tragically, the husband was mauled to death.

The park has closed hiking trails near the mauling, but the bear will not be hunted or captured. This is because she was acting naturally in defense of her cubs. It was a textbook example of what happens when a mama grizzly is startled.

Although this was the first fatal mauling INSIDE the Park in 25 years, it’s the third mauling in the area in just a year. In fact, a man was mauled to death at a campground just outside Yellowstone last year. Bear activity in Yellowstone is on the rise.

Yellowstone is my favorite park. What I really love about the park is the very thing that makes it dangerous: the abundance of wildlife. It’s awe inspiring to witness wild bison, moose, elk, wolf, and yes, bear roaming their native habitat. Bears will always roam Yellowstone. There will always be occasional human-bear interactions.

So, while you’ve no doubt heard this advice before, you might as well hear it again… A few bear safety tips:
Make noise – wearing “bear bells” is one option, but not a very effective one. BEAR BELLS ALONE DO NOT ENSURE YOUR SAFETY! You should talk to your hiking companions. If bears hear your voice, they will likely try to avoid you. Feel free to shout. When my wife and I hike in the backcountry, we occasionally shout, “Hey bear! Hey bear!”

Stay in a group. Your odds of survival increase in a group. Bears are less likely to attack groups of three or more people.
Carry pepper spray. This “bear spray” stuff isn’t cheap ($50 a can?!) but it has been proven to work. When you carry it, you need to be ready to use it.

Keep food away from campsites. Store food and other potential bear attractants inside your RV, preferably inside sealed plastic containers.

If you do see a grizzly bear, walk away slowly or play dead, but avoid fast moves. In the Yellowstone fatality, the husband reportedly told his wife to run. While this reaction is understandable, running is the WORST response to seeing a grizzly bear. It often provokes the predatory instinct in the bear to chase its prey. Grizzlies are always faster than humans, so this chase has a predictable end. In fairness to the hikers in the Yellowstone attack, it seems the provoked bear was already running towards them before they chose to run. But there is no point in running. YOU CANNOT RUN FASTER THAN A BEAR.

What about guns? Yes, you can carry a gun with you into the park. However, the NPS advises that firearms should not be considered a “wildlife protection strategy.” Pepper spray has been proven to work (and it’s a helluva lot easier to carry on a hike than a shotgun). But if you want to carry a firearm, you are free to do so.

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Back to festivals. It’s not that I don’t like people. I enjoy meeting and talking to people very much.

It’s that I don’t like crowds. Being surrounded by large crowds of people for extended periods of time doesn’t feel very liberating. It feels confining. When the crowds get too large, they begin to dictate how fast you move and where you go. That feeling of claustrophobia is sort of “anti-walkabout” in my book.

When I think of “festivals,” my mind jumps to those massive music extravaganzas that are hugely popular every summer. You know the type of festival I am talking about. They feature a few dozen bands, horrible musical acoustics, sweaty dirty mobs of drunken revelers, and a fleet of port-a-potties. One of my goals in life is to minimize time spent in port-a-potties.

So the festival needs to be pretty special to garner my interest. With this in mind, we’ve taken our Airstream to some wonderful festivals over the years. Some festivals, like the Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque and the Sturgis motorcycle rally in South Dakota, are so unique and compelling that they are worth the hassle. Seaside’s wine festival is fun (of course, even a “dentist drill festival” could be fun if enough wine is involved).

Our festival du jour is called Digital Graffiti. It’s billed as the world’s first projection art festival. The event takes place once a year in the town of Alys (pronounced “Alice”) Beach, Florida. Alys Beach is a ridiculously expensive planned community on Florida’s increasingly famous Scenic Highway 30A. Imagine a little Gulf Coast utopia with style and architecture inspired by Bermuda and Antigua, Guatemala.

As of this writing, the town is under construction. What’s already complete is outrageously beautiful. It’s also solid as an anvil. The entire town is “built to fortified standards,” meaning that the build quality is pretty much as high as it gets. There’s not a lot of vinyl siding or rich Corinthian leather. There is a lot of stone and concrete. Furthermore, each “fortified” home is intended to last several hundred years.

We could hold a little engineering and architecture class to discuss the details, but suffice to say that the walls and windows in Alys Beach are designed to withstand a hurricane. That’s rather important if you intend to build a lasting structure along this stretch of Florida coast. Walls are thick slabs of poured concrete that’s painted white. So the overall effect is a pristine white town. There’s nothing else quite like it in the United States, at least not that we have seen.

The idea behind the Digital Graffiti festival is simple and brilliant. The white walls of Alys Beach are a blank canvas. One night per year, that canvas is thoroughly “painted” with a smorgasbord of digital art. The actual artwork of Digital Graffiti varies, but most of it is of an abstract nature. It’s a menagerie of flashing light and vibrant color.

Digital Graffiti is not for art snobs. You don’t need to know your Monet from your Rembrandt. In fact, you don’t need to know much of anything. There’s no agenda. You just wander the gorgeous streets of Alys Beach, perhaps sipping your favorite adult beverage, and take in the different sights.

It’s appropriate for families; there will be no shortage of young kids darting to and fro, squealing with delight. But it’s also appropriate for young adults (or in my case, flabby middle-aged adults) who are seeking nightlife.

The heart of Digital Graffiti is in the Caliza Pool area. The swimming pool in Alys Beach is rumored to have cost more than $15 million to build. Whatever the cost, it’s a rather fantastical place to hold a party. And in this corner of Alys Beach, that’s what Digital Graffiti becomes.

For Kristy and me, this stretch of Florida highway is our home away from home. Although Alys Beach doesn’t offer any camping, there are plenty of options in the area. Grayton Beach and Henderson Beach come to mind.

Like I said, I don’t really like festivals. But this is a good one. It’s busy and lively without being a cattle drive. I don’t even remember seeing any port-a-potties.

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The answer is a lot longer than one might expect. I thought it might be fun to see what typically resides inside SEEMORE. Why? Because most of these items have been selected over the course of a few years. They serve a purpose. We didn’t start our travels with all of these items on board. We gathered them over time. For the video, in keeping with the “surprise inspection” element, I didn’t do a lot of prep or staging. We just opened the doors and started shooting. That’s why everything is a mess. What you see is what you get.

The driving point behind this video, of course, is the old Boy Scout mantra: BE PREPARED. Pretty much everything in our truck is there for a reason. We have a lot of tools, gadgets, and tech devices that are not used daily. But they are ready for times that we need ‘em. Perhaps a peek at our stuff will give YOU some ideas.

When you RV camp, you need to plan ahead. Expect the unexpected. Problems will find you on the road. Pack stuff that solves problems.

Here’s a partial list (in no particular order) of what’s inside our truck, with comments where appropriate:

Sunscreen lotion

Spare batteries

Swiss Army knife
I’ve had the same knife since 1992, and it’s traveled the world with me.

Swiss Army hammer
This thing is incredibly useful. It’s not an “official” Swiss Army product, but I’ve never regretted buying it.

Excedrin (or pain reliever of your choice)

Spare digital camera
Because when the aliens finally land, you’ll want to capture the moment.

Umbrella
No one likes the smell of wet husband.

Tire gauge
You should check your tire pressures before (and during) every major trip.

Walkie-talkies
If you plan to go off the beaten path, you can’t always count on cellphones. These walkie talkies have an excellent 2-mile range, and have proven useful time and again. You may not use them every day or even every week, but someday you will be glad you have them.

Fix-a-flat
This stuff won’t fix all flat tires, but someday it will probably save your bacon. At the very least, it can give you enough boost to limp to the nearest tire center for a proper repair.

400W power inverter
This is useful for all sorts of reasons, not the least of which is charging portable electronic devices as we hurtle along the highway. You can get by with a less powerful inverter, but the 400W version will charge your devices more quickly.

Reusable trash bag
Our truck has a built-in hook designed to hold just such a bag.

12V splitter thingy
We have two 12V “cigarette lighter outlets” in our truck, but these splitter thingys (that’s a technical term) double our outlet capacity.

Color coding tape
This is one of those incredibly simple but useful organizational tips. For $5 you can buy a four-pack of red, green, blue, and yellow tape. I use the tape, for example, to distinguish amongst the mass of black cords and wires that come with all of my camera gear. A little organization will make your life a lot easier.

Belkin Mini Surge Protector with Dual USB Charger
This allows us to charge two iPhones at once.

Toolkit (hammers, screwdrivers, socket wrench, tape measure, saw, etc.)
I bought this stocked toolkit from — where else? — Costco (my favorite store by far). It’s got a smattering of every tool under the sun. The quality of the tools is good enough – they have gotten us out of several jams. The basic toolkit has been supplemented with a basic rachet set and a power screwdriver.

Valentine One radar detector
Simply the best such “safety device” on the market.

Garmin GPS
We have a portable GPS that we transfer from vehicle to vehicle. On rare occasions we have taken it with us on hikes (both rural and urban).

Tilly hats
These Canadian-made safari-style hats are awesome. They are waterproof. They float. They are lightweight and airy. They offer protection from sun and rain. They even have a secret pocket! Once you own a Tilly, you will begin receiving knowing nods from other members of the Tilly Club. They are guaranteed FOR LIFE.

Locking chains
These keep our generator locked safely in place.

Wheel chocks
Wheel chocks are useful for the camper, obviously. But they are also useful for securing loose items (boxes, etc.) that you may be carrying in the bed of your truck.

Rubber mallets
It pays to have at least one rubber mallet handy at all times. Don’t batter your own hands extending the camper step, or coaxing hitch gear into place. Use the rubber mallet!

Fire extinguisher
We always carry a fire extinguisher in our truck. Once we used it to save a burning golf cart!

Duct tape
The utility of duct tape has become a national joke. But seriously, you want to have a roll of this stuff handy at all times.

I’m sure there’s more in our truck than is outlined here, but you’ve seen the highlights. Again, most of these items serve a purpose. Life is much more enjoyable when we’ve got what we need – especially when we are camping.

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